Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
