he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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