I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Randomize
