the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
