i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
