I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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