Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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