My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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