i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
