When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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