She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize