she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
