Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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