pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
