is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
