The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
