hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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