Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
