everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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