I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
