i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
