He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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