you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
