Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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