That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
