Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
