Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
