Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
