I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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