i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
home. puking in laundry basket.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
