I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
