im about as happy as oj after his trial
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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