If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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