Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
