im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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