I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Someone came in the potted fern
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
