New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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