Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
