Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
