Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I can tuck mytits in my pants
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
