Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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