last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
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I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Someone signed my nipple.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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