'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
