Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I just found a frying pan...in my bed.

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  (410): I just found a frying pan...in my bed. http://tfl.nu/4wiq
  Replies (8) Good night (1340) Bad night (456)
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  (646): View more from New York

  The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.

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  (646): The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song. http://tfl.nu/nwvh
  Replies (87) Good night (4100) Bad night (1068)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat

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  (816): you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat http://tfl.nu/j8dy
  Replies (20) Good night (5267) Bad night (749)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.

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  (515): once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window. http://tfl.nu/ziko
  Replies (8) Good night (3457) Bad night (595)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.

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  (403): I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go. http://tfl.nu/eq2k
  Replies (38) Good night (5235) Bad night (1060)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.

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  (847): On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity. http://tfl.nu/th3j
  Replies (24) Good night (7289) Bad night (929)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.

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  (281): The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself. http://tfl.nu/4mrf
  Replies (20) Good night (1456) Bad night (2707)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.

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  (336): I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math. http://tfl.nu/wo9g
  Replies (11) Good night (2505) Bad night (793)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.

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  (719): I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush. http://tfl.nu/eys0
  Replies (11) Good night (2302) Bad night (725)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.

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  (757): Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi. http://tfl.nu/br2l
  Replies (2) Good night (1996) Bad night (585)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne

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  (904): Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne http://tfl.nu/4m6j
  Replies (5) Good night (1236) Bad night (628)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...

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  (401): All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage... http://tfl.nu/w66w
  Replies (3) Good night (1126) Bad night (500)
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  (718): View more from New York

  Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.

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  (718): Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up. http://tfl.nu/gzqi
  Replies (4) Good night (1279) Bad night (420)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."

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  (705): I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now." http://tfl.nu/lznt
  Replies (3) Good night (1754) Bad night (419)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??

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  (971): Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body?? http://tfl.nu/w42i
  Replies (5) Good night (942) Bad night (262)

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