So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
