it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
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I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event