Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators