I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.