i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.