We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
