is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
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As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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