I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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