I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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