I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
this boner is exhausting
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
