I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
