oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
