She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
