Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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