the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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