The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
love makes seman taste better
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
