I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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