Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
