Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
